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Fic: Delivery Systems

Title: Delivery Systems
Author: Kei
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: R [sexual situations, enema kink]
Summary: As it turns out, there are depraved things one can do with coffee.
Note: Wikipedia really does have everything. Apparently tobacco smoke enemas were a popular 18th century method of resuscitating drowning victims, too.




The sight of Jack naked and kneeling in a bathtub makes Ianto, bizarrely, want to pet his hair. Manfully he resists the urge, instead adjusting the tubing he had set up and doesn't even try to hide his smile when the shifting makes Jack squirm a little. "Don't be a baby," he scolds, and Jack rolls his eyes and shoots him a half-hearted glare.

"Hurry up already."

After the massive amounts of sex he's had with Jack (really, massive) Ianto's largely unaffected by demands like this and he quite serenely continues with his preparations. He dabs a bit of liquid onto the inside of his wrist, checking the temperature - barely even lukewarm, now. Good. He places a soothing hand on the bare skin of Jack's back for a moment before holding the funnel up and beginning to pour the coffee down the rubber tubing.

Jack has a hand on either side of the tub, resting his weight forward on his arms as he drops his head, shuddering. When Ianto asks if he's alright he answers with a soft hum.

The bathroom is quiet enough to be able to hear the distant sound of traffic and the outside world. Somewhere a car backfires and a dog starts barking. Ianto pauses to see how much of the coffee is left and give Jack a moment to adjust, setting the jug down and reaching over to stroke the hair at the back of his neck gently. "I'm good," Jack says.

"Yeah?" He doesn't wait for an answer, picking the jug up again to finish off. It's just like pouring drinks for everyone, though the smell is a little weaker with the cooler temperature, and that makes it all the more surreal, really. The last drop hangs at the edge of the jug for a second, two, before quivering and falling.

He's in no hurry. The jug is put aside and he unhooks the funnel from the end of the tube. Sets it upside down on a wire rack over the sink, draining the vestiges of coffee left - he'll wash it later of course, but this way it won't drip while he takes it back to the kitchen.

Only when he's completed these tasks does he lean forward over the edge of the bath - he's fully dressed, but his sleeves are rolled up, watch and cufflinks set on the bench top out of the way - looping the tube up as he works down the length of it until he reaches the other end, sitting in Jack's arse. "Ready?" he asks, and this time he waits for Jack's nod before sliding it out. "Let go now," he murmurs.

Jack lifts his head and closes his eyes and relaxes the right muscles to release the dark fluid. It comes rushing, splattering out, the bitter smell of dark coffee mixing with feces unpleasantly - though perhaps it seems worse than it is because the coffee makes Ianto want to breathe it in, the way he leans over the mugs of a morning and inhales with a pleased, indulgent smile.

It's almost a surprise how much there is and he's torn between looking away - at Jack, preferably, watching his face and cataloging the expressions, the flicker of his eyelids and the slight part to his lips - and staring in repulsed fascination. Even when it slows it forms a muddy stream towards the drain that reminds Ianto of showers after field missions that leave them all caked in dirt or worse.

When it's over Jack turns a little so he can lean back against Ianto, chest to back until the porcelain separates them, head tilted back on his shoulder. Ianto wraps his arms around him and Jack rests his on top. "Blue Mountain," he says, and Ianto laughs softly.

"Only the best for you."

Comments

( 29 comments — Leave a comment )
owensheart
Aug. 27th, 2009 09:42 am (UTC)
oh my.......*shocked into silence now*

Ok Yeah, I have heard of coffee enemas before but that was kinda HOT! um if not wierd:O
jo02
Aug. 27th, 2009 10:50 am (UTC)
I don't know what it says about my brain, when the enema kink works for me in ways that bdsm or cross-dressing never does.
Needs more!
And it gives my icon a whole new, eye-blinking dimension.
griza
Aug. 27th, 2009 01:07 pm (UTC)
*blinks*

I got the scene from the TV comedy Green Wing in my mind but now with Jack and Ianto...

*blinks agian*
mcparrot
Aug. 27th, 2009 01:26 pm (UTC)
That's er... odd.
um....
yeah
amand_r
Aug. 27th, 2009 03:17 pm (UTC)
I love you. NO REALLY. I DO.
phaetonschariot
Aug. 27th, 2009 08:17 pm (UTC)
I BROKE MY READERS.
amand_r
Aug. 27th, 2009 08:19 pm (UTC)
IT IS BRILLIANT. JAMAICAN BLUE MOUNTAIN.
phaetonschariot
Aug. 27th, 2009 08:22 pm (UTC)
INSTANT IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH. EVER.
amand_r
Aug. 27th, 2009 08:24 pm (UTC)
INSTANT WOULD CAUSE RASHES AND BLEEDING.
phaetonschariot
Aug. 27th, 2009 08:25 pm (UTC)
AND THEN WHERE WOULD THEY BE? CELIBACY, THAT'S WHERE.
amand_r
Aug. 27th, 2009 08:26 pm (UTC)
WE CANNOT HAVE THAT. OH NO WE CANNOT.

Okay trufax, though? I really liked it. Your lead in is fantastic, and your moment where Ianto wants to breathe it in? I negates the inherent squick of the kink, actually, for me. It's really realyl good.
phaetonschariot
Aug. 27th, 2009 08:30 pm (UTC)
^_^ I had fun tying in points of normality etc. And apparently it's easier for me to write stuff like this seriously than crack. Who knew!
amand_r
Aug. 27th, 2009 08:33 pm (UTC)
I tried to write mine srsly, too. Like, I don't trhink kinkfic is crack.
phaetonschariot
Aug. 27th, 2009 08:35 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I felt like it should be, and then it just... wasn't, at all. Kink is srs bsns.
amand_r
Aug. 27th, 2009 08:37 pm (UTC)
I don't know if I know HOW to write crack. Like, how does one do it?
phaetonschariot
Aug. 27th, 2009 08:40 pm (UTC)
I'm not sure. Sometimes I can write characters whose internal narration is oddly hilarious, but crack is really fiddly. I don't know how to flirt either though. I AM LACKING IN BASIC LIFE SKILLS.
amand_r
Aug. 27th, 2009 08:45 pm (UTC)
I LIKE THAT CRACK IS A BASIC LIFE SKILL.
dru_evilista
Aug. 28th, 2009 03:10 pm (UTC)
*butts into conversation*

For me, my crack fics normally are just...weird. And song fics. IE, Ianto gets dosed by alien pheromone spray that makes him sing Little Mary Sunshine(from Reefer Madness) while pouncing Owen. Or Jack forces the team to sing Star Trekin' as punishment for mocking his pop culture knowledge. I know it's a horribly fanbratty thing to do, but it's true. Most often my crack fics are written when I've ODed on caffeine and sugar and haven't slept in a few days (though I wait to read and edit after I've slept and come down off the high). Crack comes best when you're not in your right mind. And listening to music.

But my kink fics are written "straight". Not cracky, but seriously. Even the really weird concepts like Ianto suddenly going "You know what would be a great way to spend the afternoon while the girls are out? Raping me!"
amand_r
Aug. 28th, 2009 03:14 pm (UTC)
Ah, yeah, that's..hrm.
tencrush
Aug. 27th, 2009 08:26 pm (UTC)
FINALLY SOMEBODY WROTE THIS. Thank you. Please repost it at ninja_teaboy and tell them I sent you because: COFFEE ENEMA.

It's not really a huge fic kink of mine, but this was nicely written.
phaetonschariot
Aug. 27th, 2009 08:31 pm (UTC)
hahaha. I will! (I also totally sporfled when selecting ~torchwoodcoffee out of the list to post to.)
tencrush
Aug. 27th, 2009 08:36 pm (UTC)
YAY. Srsly though, it was good, sensitively written. It's obviously a kink and an activity that weirds a lot of people out, and it's actually quite cute the way Ianto seems slightly weirded out by it himself, but happy enough to oblige regardless, with his usual attention to preparation and detail. That's my ninja Ianto.
jo02
Aug. 27th, 2009 10:51 pm (UTC)
It weirds me out heaps less than bdsm, oh and especially cross-dressing!
This stuff, I can actually SEE happening.
hab318princess
Aug. 27th, 2009 08:54 pm (UTC)
i want to say something clever but all that comes out is I liked that
illusion_hope
Aug. 27th, 2009 09:56 pm (UTC)
Very nicely written!
.. I actually read this earlier, but I couldn't really think of anything to say... (I think I was stunned to slience...)
Unique kink. :-) I really liked how you began it (it almost made me want to pet Jack's head too!XD) and how you described things. You took something that could have been potentially nastily written and utterly disgusting, and made it kind of hot, sweet, awkward and in character. :-) *hands cookies*
le_chapeau
Aug. 27th, 2009 10:05 pm (UTC)
I'm..unsure of what to say. Not a kink of mine in the slightest, but oh, for being brave enough to post this is awesome! And wonderfully written too. For something that will strike most as controversial, you've..really hit the good spot. Ilu.
Is it bad I want coffee now?
neifile7
Aug. 28th, 2009 11:43 am (UTC)
Really, really well-done, both in the language and the way you set up the scenario. For me, the test of good kink is that it show trust and intimacy in action; all the better if we can see the boundaries visibly stretched for the characters.
dru_evilista
Aug. 28th, 2009 03:11 pm (UTC)
This was...surprizingly hot. Gotta love Ianto's willingness to go along with Jacks kinks as long as it makes Jack happy.
thady
Oct. 16th, 2009 05:44 pm (UTC)
This is so not my kink, really, but I still liked it. I really liked the interaction between Ianto and Jack. I could see this happening.
( 29 comments — Leave a comment )

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